Sadness

Well, that fragile shell of happiness cracked tonight. I'm bawling again over having broken up with J. I feel a little strange writing this here. I don't care what strangers think of me, I appreciate the support of my friends, but J also still reads this. (Hi J. I wonder if Dave has stopped reading this yet? Whatever. I don't care.) It kind of feels like I'm gossiping about J when I know it'll get back to him, but I'm not planning to gossip about him... I'm just hoping that writing out my feelings will help me settle down so that I can sleep. I would tell him my feelings any time he asked, so it's not like I'm spilling secrets here either.

I know I'll be okay. It's just hard, and really sad. I really thought he was the one. I was so happy-in-love with him, it's hard to lose him.

I'm listening to Simon and Garfunkel. It's music I associate with J. Just like I associate the Corries with a previous ex-boyfriend. I don't know why I have to spoil good music by associating it with exes, but that seems to happen. Well, with the previous two, at least. I still enjoy the music, it's just hard not to remember sad things when listening to the music.

Speaking of music and exes, here's some lyrics to a song I learned from a previous ex, and mirrors a bit how I feel:

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go eat worms,
Long, thin, slimy ones; Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Now, I know that's not true... people do like me, few (if any?) hate me, and there's no way I'm going to eat worms. I just feel abandoned. I know that's not true either, but when are feelings ever logical? *sigh*

I wish my nose didn't get so stuffed up when I cry.

Dad and I did take Nicky for a short walk today. It would have been longer, but I still wasn't really dressed for the colder weather.

*sigh*... I'm not settling down, so I guess I'll just try lying in bed again.