Bad Mood

Youch... I'm in a snarky bad mood today. I just snarked at my mom... and it hurts. I love my mom tons, and always feel bad on the rare occasions I snark at her. The silly thing is, she didn't even see my snark... I had attached my poster, and the e-mail was rejected because the file was too big. I still feel rotten, though. Because I snarked, and I shouldn't have.

I'm not sure why I'm in such a sucky mood.

Last night I caught the bus home shortly after 6, which was when the poster session ended. It was drizzly, warm, and humid yesterday. I was sweaty-sticky when I got home, so I had a shower and put on some comfy soft dry clothes. I had eaten a bit at the poster session (cheese, crackers, veggies, 2 cookies), and so wasn't really that hungry. I was feeling relaxed and relieved after having made my deadline, so I spoiled myself and did what I wanted. Which was have a nap on the couch in front of the TV. I didn't want to watch TV (nothing good on Mondays), and, although I was tired, it was way too early to go to bed. I didn't feel like going to bed then anyway... I felt like curling up on the couch was exactly what I wanted to do. With the TV on. I don't know why, but I was spoiling myself, so I went with what felt good.

At 9 I surfed the internet, then had a bowl of cereal and went to bed. I was in bed by 10, read for half an hour, and then went to sleep.

At 5:55, I woke up, feeling like it was just before my alarm was about to go off, and feeling "awake but I want to go back to sleep." I checked the clock, and realized I still had another hour before my alarm, so went to the bathroom, adjusted my blankets, and went back to sleep. (I took one of the blankets off because I was feeling hot... flushed is a better description... like when I was in Barbados and waking up with a different rash every morning from the strange foods I was eating. Of course, then I was cold. But I went to sleep anyway.)

I woke up again at 8... having slept through an hour of the radio. (I have the radio set for 7, and the alarm for 8:05, hoping I'll be motivated enough to get up and move at 7, but can sleep until 8 if I really need it. I quickly learned to sleep through the radio, but keep hoping it'll work.) I was annoyed, because I was hoping I'd actually get up at 7 so I could ride my exercise bike. (It's been too long.) I caught the 9:30 bus in, but stopped off at the international center to get my I-20, and then talked to Kelli for a bit, so it was still rather late (~10:30) by the time I was sitting at my desk. (Reason to feel annoyed with myself #2.)

Then I wasted time. (Reason to feel annoyed with myself #3.)

Then I was so tired that I had a nap. (Reason to feel annoyed with myself #4.)

I got up at 12:30 when my computer beeped for a meeting, but a quick check of my e-mail indicated that it had been cancelled while I was sleeping.

So I had lunch.

J came in as I was finishing up, and asked about progress. I had none. (Reason to feel annoyed with myself #5.)

I went to work in J's office, and made decent progress until 3, when he had to leave for a meeting.

I went back to my office, and checked out a funny cat video from a link at Bitch, PhD. (Reason to feel annoyed with myself #6.)

I thought the video was funny, so I sent it to a few people.

Mom responded with

I was hoping for a copy of your poster.

Love Mom

but this was good.

and the bit about my poster just set me off. She was trying to add some helpful pressure this weekend about the poster, and so my first reaction was to think that she didn't believe that I had actually met my deadline. As soon as I sent her a snarky response with my poster, I regretted it. She wasn't trying to be annoying here... she probably actually was curious what my poster looked like... even though it would be complete gibberish to her. (Reason to feel annoyed with myself #7.)

But it made me realize just how crummy I was feeling. (Reason to feel annoyed with myself #8.)

I went through the whole "this is silly" talk with myself, but that didn't help.

Writing it all down here seems to have helped, though. I'm feeling much less snarky and miserable. Not good yet, but like I've gotten things off my chest, and that I'll feel better soon.

I think I'll take a screen snapshot of my poster to send to my mom. She won't be able to read it, but then it wouldn't have made any more sense to her if the text actually was big enough.

There are very few people who have any idea what I talk about these days. At least, when it comes to my research.