Friday, November 05, 2010

Fun With Bible Thumpers

I saw this comment at another blog (Note: make sure you read after point #1.):
To rock another post about being gay and what the bible teaches:

1) When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

2) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

5) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

6) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging


Sara said...

Omigosh! I love, love, love this comment. I love it even more because most Jews (the folks to whom this is addressed) already conceded years ago that these laws just don't work for modern times. Even the most Orthodox of Jews would not actually do these things. (Although being gay in the Orthodox community pretty much means excommunication) Anyhoo, I love this comment. I am violating the Sabbath to tell you so (As being on the computer is forbidden...good thing I am not Orthodox.) Please don't judge me. :-)

noricum said...

Although it applies to Jews, it also applies to Christians... they still include the Old Testament as part of their bible. (Well, I know the Roman Catholics do. Some may not.)

Given that I'm an atheist, and not up-to-date on the appropriate punishments on violating the sabbath, I suppose I'll have to let you get away with this sacrilege. Plus, my passport has expired. ;)

IrisWeaver said...

Let me respond in order:

1. I will forthwith abominate my gay bro and his husband.

2. Hard to say what a fair price for your daughter would be. Is she lazy? $100. Computer whiz? $1,000.

3. All menstrauting women will be required by law to wear a samll, red "M".

IrisWeaver said...

To continue:

4. You may hire someone to kill your neighbor.

5. Illegally hair-trimming males must die by the razor, obviously.

6. Since your uncle and his wife must die, don't deprive your whole community of the fun of stoning them.
I hope I've been of help.