Router

You know you have a problem with homeless drunks in your office building when your router reminds you of a king can of beer.

I was chastised today (well, not really) for not specifying what router I ended up getting. I got a D-Link Whole Home Router 1000 with Smart Beam and amplifi. Why this particular one?
1. It was originally priced at $110, marked down to $70. (It appears to be an older model... the newer one having a "cloud" feature... I prefer to save $40 and have sunnier weather. ;) )
2. It claimed to be suitable for large houses, and the cheaper routers claimed to only be for small houses.
3. I was really tired of being without wireless, and I was having lunch with a friend in Grant Park Mall, which has a Radio Shack (aka "The Source" or something like that)... not known for being a place with good deals, but I was going for convenience here. The Linksys models that claimed to be for large houses were more expensive (my previous router was a Linksys), and there weren't any Asus routers (a brand a co-worker recommended).
4. The king can shape didn't have any external moveable antenna, which made me think perhaps it would be harder for me to break them. ;)
5. And, for the totally stupid reason (that didn't really affect my decision) that "smart beam (TM)" and "amplifi (TM)" make me feel like doing "jazz hands".